the end of self improvement


Consider that there is NOTHING wrong with you.

I have been in the self-improvement game for over 20 years. I considered myself a seeker. I have been always looking for the next great concept, the newest motivational tool, the hottest new ideas to create a paradigm shift in me. I formalized my searching by getting my Master’s Degree in Applied Behavioral Science. I assumed that there I would find the user manual to human being that would give me permanent understanding to how life works.

When you believe that you have to improve yourself, there is no end to this search. You will always feel incomplete. There will always be a better that you are striving for.

Stop the Insanity

What if we are already good enough? All those flaws that you perceive you have are just an illusion of thinking. We create this identity based on who we THINK we are. I am here to suggest that we have NO IDEA who we REALLY are.

Who we are behind our thoughts about who we are is pure potential, pure love, pure well-being. If you allow it, there is a space you can touch in yourself that is before or behind all concepts you have about your identity. In every single person, there exists a place of pure well-being, if it is free from thought.

My clients—and myself included—spend a lot of time and energy thinking there is something wrong with them. We think we are flawed, that we have a defect, or need to read a book to learn how to be happy.

There was a time when I believed I was hard-wired for depression. I have had two major depressive episodes in my life, and—at my core—I could not trust myself to deliver good feeling thoughts on a consistent basis. When I functioned every day with that overarching belief, it meant that I needed to meditate at least 30 minutes per day, workout, read inspirational books, and journal. That was on a good day. I learned to live in fear of a bad mood or anxiety, because that meant that I would have to double down on those activates.

I was encouraged by a very wise teacher to consider that my belief about being hard-wired for depression was just another thought that I was believing as truth, and it was coloring my world. When I WOKE UP to the fact that I was living under the umbrella of that oppressive thought, everything got very peaceful in my world. When I experienced a low mood, a worry or a depression without the belief that there was something wrong with me, I left myself alone, knew it was natural to have those experiences, and that they are temporary if I don’t make them important.

We Can Learn a Lot from Babies

Just watch a baby. They go from high mood to low mood very quickly—and comically sometimes. They don’t have the burden of making themselves wrong for the experience they are having. They allow themselves to freely experience the emotional ride of human-being. They spend most of their time in well-being. Isn’t that what we all want—to have peace of mind and well being most of the time?

So consider that there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are—at your core—pure innate well-being, naturally designed to thrive. Don’t judge yourself as flawed or broken because you have a low mood, some anxious thoughts, or are frustrated. Stop seeking to improve yourself. You are already there, if you recognize that your thoughts take you away from it.

This doesn’t mean that we stop learning, creating or being kindness in the world. If we are already pure well-being then compassion, creating new things, discovery and connection with all life is natural.

To me this is the end of self improvement.


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